small update + whole 30.

So, that 6 week challenge? Bombed.
Totally lame, but pick up and move on, right?

As of right now, I have two dates that I am trying to reach goals for.
1. My sister's wedding, August 16.
2. Leaving for vacation, September 22.

Well, I say trying to reach goals, but I don't really know what those are. Look different? Ha.
It's kind of tough, because I'm trying not to be so scale focused. Too often I see girls saying they've lost "this many" inches, but no pounds, and they're upset about it. Um. What. So, I guess I would just like to lose some inches, before each of these events.

Oh! So, while I haven't made in big changes recently, I did discover that I have made significant changes in the past 8 months. I know that's a pretty long time, but I am still really pleased.
Progress pictures are SO important, and here is why: I honestly thought I looked the EXACT same. I really did. I never compared my pictures from back then to now, because I would look at them and think there was no point. A couple of days ago, I was feeling pretty okay about myself, took some pictures, and decided to compare. Way different. I was shocked.
So, take pictures! : )
(I'll share at some point. Not yet, haha.)

Here's where I'm at now...Whole 30!
I'll be honest and tell you that I'm really surprised I'm doing it. Not because I don't think I'm capable, but because it's not my type of food lifestyle, generally speaking. And it won't be. I genuinely don't care about "eating clean" or whatever.
I am doing it, though, to get better about eating more nutrient dense meals, to get more creative in the kitchen. I definitely prefer a MUCH more flexible dieting lifestyle, but I think this will be helpful in me learning how to do flexible dieting more properly. While I think it's perfectly okay to enjoy "fun" foods daily, I still really struggle with fitting those foods into my macros, and not going overboard. I want to hit a place where I can safely and smartly eat what I would like.

Today was Day 1 of W30. It was kind of lame, because I really need to go grocery shopping (tomorrow morning, thank goodness!), but I'm in an accountability group and it started today, so I just knew I wanted to make it work.
B: eggs with olives, coffee with coconut milk and cinnamon.
L: turkey, tomato, lettuce.
D: turkey and green beans cooked in the skillet w/ evoo + garlic. (I. Love. Garlic.)
S: berries and coconut milk.
Workout: 20 minutes HIIT on the elliptical.

I feel really good about it and am so excited to go shopping tomorrow for the next few days' meals!

small victories.

*eye of the tiger is obviously the soundtrack to this post.

So, at the beginning of the BPI Best Self Challenge, I took my measurements.
A few days ago, out of curiousity, I decided to measure my waist.
GUESS WHAT.
You guys! Two inches. Gone. BYE FELICIA.

Two inches in a little less than 4 weeks. I'm pretty excited and ready to take control of these next two weeks.
I can't wait to take the rest of my measurements when I get back home (out of town), just to get an idea of where I'm at currently.

Seeing progress is probably my biggest motivator. Let's see what I can make happen by June 29!

it's been a minute...or two.

I love that I ended my last post saying something along the lines of, "Maybe I can post next week, giving myself 50 pats on the back."

Um, no. Maybe -50?

Unfortunately, it's been months since my last post and we are currently looking at NO changes. Zero. Zip. Zilch.
And isn't that the way it usually goes? I know it is for me. I don't say that to be negative. I'm just being factual. The majority of the time, when people say, "I'm going to lose weight! Get in shape! Blahblahblah!"...They don't. We don't. I don't.
Sadly, I am such a "great" example of this. For almost FIVE years now, I have said I wanted to make a change, and done nothing to show that is the case. In fact, I have gained even more weight! (Not since February, just since the first 20 lbs. I put on, way back when.)

BUT! It doesn't have to be that way. I can change, and if you are really struggling right now, just know that you can too. It absolutely is possible.
I know that, for me, I always focus on that end result. I'm always wanting to see that "goal body" when I look in the mirror. And when I (obviously) don't, I let that get me down. That's probably the silliest thing ever, though.
Of course I'm not going to look vastly different after 1, 2, 3, 4 weeks. But as cliche as it may be, that time is still going to pass. I recently did a 12 Week Challenge. Man, that time FLEW by. And I have nothing to show for it. That's really disappointing. I started that challenge out just like I always do when I decide it's time to make a change. "I've got this! So motivated! Etc..." Pretty quickly that fire burns out. And I've come to the realization that it's because even though I may say that I'm making a "lifestyle change", I'm not giving my physical self that break. I'm beating myself up for looking the same, and in doing so, I will continue to stay the same. Does that make sense? I feel a little rambly, but hopefully you catch my drift.

Anyway. About 3 weeks ago, I started a 6 week challenge. (I know, I know.) A bunch of friends are also doing it. Something that really got me was when I saw all of these other girls posting their "befores" and I was the only one that didn't receive some sort of physical compliment. That's not to say that I think I DESERVE any. I mean, I realize that people would just be blowing smoke. But I would be lying to say that didn't sting. But instead of wallowing in that, I'm trying to get up and make a change now. Provide an "after" (no such thing, I now realize, for myself) that possibly motivates and inspires, shows others that they really can do this too.

I'll try to be more consistent with this little blog from here on out! : )

stuuuupid cuuuupid.

Okay, so, I swear I haven't TOTALLY been slacking.
I just started really struggling with WHERE to blog. Again. I know that I'm probably being way too obsessive about this, but I just don't want to "limit" myself, I guess?
I don't know. WEIRDO.

Anyway, since I last posted (I think?), we have moved! Finally!
Our current house is, like, fifty bajillion times better, and I feel so much happier. I've been really on top of the house and things that need done. I know it's important to make the best of situations, so some may think I shouldn't use this as an excuse...BUT, it is way easier to keep a clean, pretty house, when you live in a house that is just naturally clean and pretty. I don't really know if that makes total sense, but just go with me.

Josh has been gone since January 30 and it's basically killing me slowly.
Super ready for him to get back on the 25th! We cannot wait.
Tatum does miss him, but luckily it hasn't affected her much. By that, I just mean that I'm glad it's not keeping her up at night, causing lots of tears, etc.
Honestly, most days have been pretty good! It definitely helps having both of our families nearby. Major relief.
I have had a few really stressful, crappy days (today is one of them!), but it's seriously been like...five tops. So good. And from what I remember, they have all been days where I got basically no sleep the night before. (I've been up since 3 AM today, dudes.)

I've been majorly slacking on my workouts. I just don't make time for it. I mean, as I type, I could probably be putting in some cardio, but it's naptime and I just want to reeeelaxxxxxxx. I'm totally a lazy bones, guys.
Really, though, I know I should start getting up a couple hours early each day. I could get in a workout, shower, have some coffee and eat breakfast in peace, watch some Supernatural (I'm back into it, after a big hiatus, because I was so over the demon/angel business.)....I just need to actually do it and not just think about doing it.

And my diet. Oh, man, my diet.
This is my biggest struggle, as I've mentioned many a time before! The first two weeks of Josh being gone, I did really great. Not so much with quality, but definitely quantity, which made me feel like I was on the right track. And then one day last week, I got sick, and I hadn't had much sleep, and I just really, really, really wanted something "filling"...AKA, bread.
And bread turned into me eating lots of bologna/tomato/mayo sandwiches. (I love bologna, okay?!)
And that turned into making crappier decisions, in general.
Then, VDay happened. Stupid cupid (stop hittin' on me!*). Ya jerk!
Whatever. I know I just have to reset. But I'm being so lazy about it, which I know no one wants to hear me whine about, but I also know that I'm basically talking to myself at this point. So. HEY, GIRL!

Hopefully I can update in a couple of days and talk about how awesome I'm doing and give myself fifty pats on the back. Let's see!

*If you don't get this reference, I don't get you.

i love ya, tomorrow!

Tomorrow we move back to our hometown for awhile.
It's not so much being back in that place that I'm excited for, but I am so excited to move out of our current house (so tiny! so annoying!) and be close to our families!
I'm also really excited to be near some of my sweet, wonderful friends again.

We are actually renting a house that is currently for sale. So, kind of a weird situation, but it really works best for us! Since we don't know how long we will want to be living in the area, doing this month to month thing is really nice.
The new house is literally almost THREE times the size of our current house.
So ready for all of that glorious space!
I'm trying not to get too attached, though. Since, well, you never know!

So, I've been packing most of the day. A few Pretty Little Liars breaks in between. I hate packing. I really, really hate it. I wanted this move to be our downsizing, getting organized move. But I suck and I just don't see it happening until AFTER we get there. So, organizing while we UN-pack.
I am such a procrastinator.
And I get overwhelmed and panic really easily.
So, that's a cool combination!
It's so frustrating for me to see just how much I really need to grow up! But. That's what I'm working on this year. Adulting. : )

So, I'll update on the organization stuff AFTER the move.

health update.

Oh, goodness. It's been a minute.

I'd be lying if I said that I'm not struggling. Sheesh, beyond struggling.
I have a lot going on in my personal life right now, and it's really hard for me to not let all of that stuff affect my goals. I think if I were already someone who made my well being a priority, I would be okay, but I'm not that person. Yet.
As I'm writing this, it's dawning on me that this is probably the time when I should be pursuing that version of myself, harder than ever. Why do I feel like I can't?

I haven't exercised in about a week. Barf. BUT, I will say that I'm glad that I can now follow that up with a "barf." Ha. There was a time when a week was nothing. There was a time when I wouldn't have been able to tell you the last time I put a workout in. I'm glad I've become someone who exercises.

No diet changes to speak of. This is my major problem area. I think February will bring change. Josh leaves for tour in a few days and crappy foods won't be easily accessible. Now, if I want a cheeseburger (or whatever) I can just ask Josh to get me one. But while he's gone, what's in the house is my only option! It's not like I'm going to get the kids out of bed and load them in the car, just to fulfill a craving, you know? And for some reason, when he isn't around I just snack less, in general.
So, you're probably thinking, "But what happens when he gets back from tour?"
My hope is that after doing well for a month, I will have made that a habit. But also, we will be about 15-20 minutes away from any fast food/junk options, at our new place. Right now, Taco Bell, McDonalds, Sonic, etc. are all LITERALLY two minutes away. It's just so easy for me to continue being unhealthy.
I realize that to people who don't live this super unhealthy lifestyle, I probably sound like a gross weirdo. Yeah, I think I'm pretty gross, too.
I hate that I don't have awesome willpower. (Yet!) But I don't. And if taking away the ease is what it takes, so be it. Yes, everyday, people quit eating junk and just work really hard at not giving in. But there are also others who have to ship themselves off to The Biggest Loser ranch, so they have zero temptations. I guess I just fall closer to TBL side.
I DO believe that I can change, though.

Another thing that I've been struggling with is the worry that parts of my body will look really gross when I lose weight. Like, I'm scared that my arms/stomach will sag really bad. I know that being healthy is so important, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not scared (a little) of what will happen to certain areas.
That doesn't mean that I'm not interested in losing weight. It's just one of my struggles.

For today, I think I will just wrap this up. I'll update later on my progress surrounding my other goals, unrelated to my bod. ; )

just some thoughts.

+ I have officially decided to stick with this blog. I was so unsure it was the right decision, but after thinking on it for a few days, I think it is definitely the way to go. (I'm aware it is not really a big deal.)

+Being that I have decided to stay, I'm really excited to come up with a look for the blog.  : )

+ I have exercised every day since the new year arrived, minus one skip and one rest day. I think my head is finally back in the game. Phew. Seriously relieved. After finally becoming someone that regularly exercises, it was really bothering me that I felt so off and was missing so many days at the end of last year. So, big sigh of relief over here!

+ So far, I am also doing better on my eating! Not so much in quality (yet!), but definitely in QUANTITY. That is what is most important to me at this point in time. I do know that I need to clean things up, but at this point I think I need to focus on cutting back on these foods that aren't so great, rather than cutting out completely and, inevitably (for me), throwing in the towel. I think I'm doing good.

+ Still struggling with getting on top of other things. The house, my appearance...Everything else is still just kind of on the back burner. Well, I am doing a bit better with getting things organized and staying on top of cleaning. I've just been trying to do at least one small thing each day. I hope that moving will help with downsizing and all that good stuff. We'll see.

+ Also still struggling with cooking more. But I mean, I didn't really expect to become Betty Crocker overnight or anything.

Alright. Off to plan out some future posts I would like to do. : )